The Internal Tug of War

Happy Wednesday World! I hope everyone is healthy and smiling. Abbi is going to do a little chat but please keep in mind she’s still suffering from a major #newamsterdamhangover. Not sure how this information falling out of Abbi’s brain will go.

As always, tread lightly but keep a positive outlook.

Soooo . . .

Who noticed the tug of war in the last two scenes of Perspectives on New Amsterdam Tuesday night? I’d still consider the relationship between Max Goodwin (Ryan Eggold) and Alice (Alison Luff ) a plot twist but their relationship is also part of Max’s internal tug of war or internal conflict. Those last two scenes brought it all back showing the division in Max’s heart. One half to the woman he married, Georgia (and Alice too since he’s now involved with her) and the other half to the lady who caught his attention and heart from Day 1 – Dr. Helen Sharpe (Freema Agyeman).

And that #sharpwin blues I mentioned in the last post? Me thinks they’re gone. 🙂 That scene is how any writer aspires to have the reader feel about a developing couple.

Overall, it was a an awesome episode, definitely in Abbi’s Top 5 for Season 2. I adored every storyline.

The Perspectives episode has me thinking about my own personal tug of war(s).

I never liked feeling that internal tug of war growing up especially when it came to family. Choosing wrong meant consequences and sometimes it didn’t matter what side you chose, there were still consequences. For some reason, my family had the impression that having me or another family member on their side was some sort of win. “Yes! We now have the upper hand.”

I never wanted to choose. I’ve always been a ‘why can’t we just get along?’ kind of girl.

Family shouldn’t be about choosing sides. I hope I’ve made that point clear for my budding scientists over the past several years.

Choosing in this tug of war isn’t about good versus evil or right versus wrong. It’s about faith and following your heart. Being truthful to yourself and not letting others influence your decision. As I’ve always told patients: “It’s your world. It’s your choice.”

My only caveat: Don’t hurt someone else. Choices shouldn’t be about hurting others.

My current internal tug of war is probably of my own doing. It’s my perspective and what we see through our personal worldview isn’t always reality. But, the emotion is there and true to me.

One side of my heart holds two precious little souls, my budding scientists, who have taught me so much about love, acceptance, and joy. On the other side is another precious soul who has done the same and more. I have a feeling there is more to learn, requiring additional patience and understanding.

(Side note: Any past references used by Abbi of Carrie Fisher and a love for instant gratification are no longer valid. :-P)

And that little corner at the bottom of my heart? Still holds Little Drummer Boy, ‘Burl’, and Carlitos, my bud from UW-Madison. Abbi has kept the story he told her just hours before he passed for almost 3 decades. Hope tells me someday we will sit at the top of an imaginary Bascom Hill and he will share the rest.

My heart is split in two just like Max. And just like when I was a child — and maybe even like Max — I don’t want to have to choose. I didn’t and don’t want anyone I care about to feel like they don’t have a special place in my heart.

Dear Dr. Sharpe: Abbi wants “All of the above, please.” 😉

Food for thought as many of us may be facing more than a bit of unexpected downtime with family.

Stay safe, world. And, as always,

Embrace Hope.
Abbi 🙂

I will not play tug o’ war. I’d rather play hug o’ war. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug, where everyone kisses and everyone grins, and everyone cuddles and everyone wins.

Shel Silverstein

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